My New Year's Resolution: (You really didn't think I'd make one.)

The first day of every new year is a time most of us reflect on our past and attempt to gaze into our future. What can we do to make better what is to come compared to what has passed? Despite the many New Year's Days I have under my belt, I am no better at this first-of-the-year exercise today than I was at age 18.

At the root of it: I never know what to resolve for the new year. "To make money" would be a good one for 2011, and a real change of pace from 2010; but I have little control over that. Other than applying for a cashier's job in a convenience store or as a greeter at Walmart, there is little I can do to pick up my earnings’s pace. And sadly, either of those positions would boost my earnings.

Moreover, making a lot of money might be counterproductive to achieving my first goal in life. Always a believer in "you can't take it with you," my first big life goal is to leave nothing behind. Why accumulate a lot of wealth just to leave it to someone else? Nope, enjoy it while you can and depart this mortal coil penniless. So far I am right on target.

I guess I could give up something, but all the best vices are taken. Besides, I decided a long time ago that my second big life goal is to "live hard, die young and leave a good-looking corpse." Obviously the ship has sailed on the second two, but I am still determined to succeed at the first.

I might resolve to lose some weight. Yeah, that's a good one. But I already work out daily and usually only eat two meals. Adjusting my behavior to actually shave pounds from this lumpy flesh sack I generously refer to as a body would necessarily entail turning to leafy green stuff and raw fish as nutrition staples. No Way!

I suppose I could be a better person. But why monkey with near perfection? Certainly I could tinker around the edges of my persona; but, hey, why take a chance on turning what is already pretty good into something not so good? I've composed a list of my attributes -- much too lengthy to include here -- and I hate the thought of bruising or outright losing any of them. It wouldn't be fair to those around me.

No, I guess I'll just leave well enough alone. As I gaze into the fog of my future I am reminded of quote of Mark Twain. Paraphrasing, he said, "If I can't get to 70 by a comfortable road, I don't want to go."

Exactly! Life is enough work as it is; why add to the burden?