Buffalo Trace

Buffalo Trace
From a few years ago, me mugging with the bronze buffalo sculpture at Buffalo Trace Distillery in Kentucky.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

This Is Our Generation's Moon Shot

I read today that researchers from the University of California and the Veterans Administration (seems like an odd coupling) may have accidentally stumbled on a remedy for the folliclely challenged. Well, at least a remedy for mice with such a condition.

"Remedy" and "folliclely challenged" are my words; the story I read actually referred to the condition as "baldness" and discussed "cure" as opposed to remedy. As someone who is himself folliclely challenged, I feel stigmatized by the terms baldness and cure.

The term bald is just plain hurtful. Have you ever heard of a "hairy lie"? No? I'm sure, though, you have heard of a "bald lie." Are bald tires a good thing? Bald is a pejorative term that should never be used in regard to a person.

Cure in the context folliclely challenged is also disparaging. Medicine cures diseases. Folliclely challenged isn't a disease; its a, umm, condition.

Now that we have that out of the way...

Attempting to discover how stress affects the gut, researchers shot up a few stressed-out bald mice (Bald is okay to use when referring to mice and other sub-human creatures like congressmen.) with some crap called astressin-B. Yes, I agree, it sounds made up. But the researchers claim they gave each of the bald mice five shots of the stuff. A few weeks later, the mice had grown back their fur or hair or whatever you call a mouse's protective layer. The shots were good for four month's growth or about as long as a good botox treatment.

Evidently scientists and researchers are encouraged by this development and say some further research is planned. Further research is planned? These guys don't seem to appreciate the urgency of this thing. Let's move Heaven and earth to get this done. This is our generation's Sputnik moment. I didn't think I'd see a remedy for the folliclely challenged in my life time, but we are at the threshold of beating this thing. Enough talk, shave some more mice and let's get on with the research.

1 comment:

  1. "I got a new piano yesterday."

    "Is it a Baldwin?"

    "Of course it is. Who wants a hairy piano!"

    (Thanks to Phyllis Diller.)

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