Keys Disease

Keys Disease
Battling Keys Disease at the Futura Yacht Club in Islamorada, Fla. three years ago.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Oh, Charlie, We Thought We Knew Ya

I'm a guy, so I give a little leeway to Charlie Sheen. Let's face it, brothers, if we are truthful with ourselves, we are all a little envious -- at least a little. Sheen has pulled in around $20 million this year just for his work on Two and a Half Men. Granted he probably spent most of it on drugs, booze and chicks, and the rest he wasted. (Sorry, that's paraphrasing someone else's quote, but I just couldn't pass it up.); but at least he had it to spend.

For the women out there reading this, screaming at their monitor that Sheen is a pig and needs to grow up, I want to assure you that we are on the same side of that issue. I don't contend that he is either a class act or mature. I'm just saying that he is having more than his share of fun.

If the news reports are to be believed, he interrupted a four-way-adult frolic in the Bahamas, where he had jetted on a private plane, to blast his Two and a Half Men boss. A melt down that apparently cost him (and everyone else connected to the show) his cushy TV gig. Let me be clear, I don't envy his intelligence, or lack thereof. He is obviously an idiot. Do you remember when he sent Obama a letter asking him to begin an investigation into 9/11 because he is convinced George W. Bush ordered the World Trade Center attack? I submit exhibit No. 2 for your consideration: Who in his right mind walks away from three women stacked up in his bed to rip his boss via long distance for a radio show? Yes, he is quite the genius.

Let's see, where were we? Oh, yeah, he's on a foursome! This is where some of the envy should be kicking in, boys. Let's identify the players; shall we. There's Charlie, of course; Ummm, the obligatory porn starlet, his kids former babysitter and an ex-wife -- not Denise Richards, that would be just too good to be true.

The guy is 45 years old. At 45, I was reminiscing about my "good ol' days" and wondering what the hell happened to my mojo; Sheen is still waist deep in his good ol' days and showing no signs of slowing down. Generating $20 million a year, of course, does a lot to grease the good-time wheels -- evidently even post age 45. Perhaps had I invested in gold....

So here is Sheen, in the sunny Bahamas, with a who's who of men's fantasies: a porn star and his kids babysitter. Moreover, he must be such a good time that even an ex-wife tags along. For a guy's ego, he hit the trifecta.

Yes, yes, I get that Sheen needs some help. I'm not disputing that. I'm just saying that he is currently on an adventure most guys would love to be on. When he finally sobers up -- if that ever happens, he is probably going to have some buyer's remorse over blowing the highest paying acting job on TV. That may take a while to set in, however, because rumor has it that he is writing a tell-all book about his time on Two and a Half Men that he expects an advance on of at least $10 million. Good work if you can get it. I see another Bahamas junket in his future.

Obviously one needn't be smart to make obscene amounts of money. 

The fantasy lives on.

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