A representation of my old lawn mower. |
I'm not the kind of guy who often
suffers buyer's remorse. In the great scheme of things, I don't buy
all that much to begin with. Since I can justify purchasing some
must-have piece of video gear for one of my video projects (because,
well, I've got myself convinced I can turn one or both of them into
money makers) I don't lose much sleep over those purchases.
An exception was the nearly $50, I
wound up spending to secure a $3 adapter plug to go from the back of
my new four-station wireless-mic setup to the mic jack in my video
cameras. In one of my recent disappointments with Amazon Prime's
delivery service, they missed their two-day guaranteed delivery by a
day, which meant a $31 package of two apparently platinum-plated, diamond-studded
adapter plugs was delivered to my mailbox the day I left on a 10-day
trip. While I was gone, vandals stole the mail out of the roadside
mailboxes of half a dozen houses along my street, mine being one of
them. I got back on Amazon two more times, ordering much less
expensive versions of the pilfered plugs only to discover both times
that they didn't fit. My total outlay at that point was roughly $45.
I finally found the only Radio Shack still in business within 50
miles of my house about 20 miles away. An hour of my time, a couple
gallons of gas and $3.48 in cash, and I finally had the part I
needed.
I'm still fuming over the entire
affair.
I also can justify purchasing tools. I
do a lot of renovating around my house. I learned long ago that any
job can be made easier with the proper tool. I'm all over easy. Nail
guns, table saw and all the other power tools one might need for a
job never fall under the want-or-really-need purchase test.
When I do buy something – almost
always online – I do a lot of price research (my $31 dumb-ass
adapter-plug purchase notwithstanding). I look on Amazon. I look on
ebay, as well as other sites. I usually know what I'm buying and that
I'm getting a good deal. End result: I'm happy with my choice.
That is, until now.
A couple of weeks ago, unforeseen
circumstances forced me to buy my second lawn mower in three years.
Quite happy with the Toro with its Kohler engine and front-wheel
drive, self-propelled feature that I bought at Home Depot three years
ago, when faced with replacing it, I decided to step up a little. I
bought another Toro, but this one has a Briggs & Stratton engine,
electric start and rear-wheel drive for “better traction on hilly
surfaces.” I now live in lawn mower hell.
The electric start is terrific, by the
way. Well worth the extra $40. The issue is that before using it the
first time, it needs to be charged for 24 hours. I have nowhere
outside that I can leave anything other than an automobile or anvil unattended
for 24 hours. So, I rolled it into my dining room and charged it
there. I'll charge it every three or four uses in my carport going
forward.
The electric starter and a fuel cap
that is much easier to seat and screw back on than the one on the
Kohler engine are the only two bright spots on my new mower.
There are a couple of issues with the
new mower, but all roads lead to its rear-wheel-drive configuration.
Whether RWD is the problem or it just that this mower's RWD is so
crappy, in no way shape or form is it easier to use on hilly surfaces
than my previous FWD mowers. It's not just a bit less efficient, it
just plain sucks. I don't exaggerate when I write that I probably
work twice as hard with this RWD mower than either of the two FWD
mowers I've owned since living at my current address.
My new $400 death machine. |
The only semi-flat spot on my
two-thirds of an acre is where my shed sits. It represents perhaps 10
percent of my yard. All the rest is hill. That means that over the
course of 45 percent of my lot (uphill versus downhill), I have to
put forth a lot more effort now than before. I was able to mow the
entire yard in about 90 minutes without stopping. It now requires
about two hours or more because I have to stop, shut off the mower
and rest half a dozen times. It goes like a bat out of hell mowing
down hill, but who needs that? I have to physically push it going up
hill and sprint along behind it going down.
Not only that, my back is killing me
within the first 15 minutes. The handle is positioned so low, I
literally must slightly bend at the waist to use this thing. It has
an “adjustable” handle, but an airline seat has a greater range
of recline than this handle has adjustment. I'm only 5 ft-8 in tall!
I can't imagine someone 6 ft or taller using this mower without
having a chiropractor on hand.
I've named this piece of shit, The
Widow Maker.
I envision the day when, unable to
reach me for a week or so, one of my friends decides to stop by my
house to check up on me only to find me lying in the dirt that is my
front yard with my decomposing hand still gripping the handle of old
Widow Maker lying on its side next to me. My house will have been
ransacked, my shed emptied and whatever test vehicle I had will be
long gone. But that damn mower will still be there, taunting me.
I laughed, I cried, I kissed 400 bucks
good-by.
Watch for it on Craig's List next
April.