WuFlu Blues: A Personal Ode to the Months-Long Lockdown

I'm not the kind of guy who wants a solid 30 minutes of creativity to go unnoticed. Therefore, I decided to publish a poem I wrote answering the request of one of the car companies for short notes, videos and audio recordings offering a diary of what each of us did during the WuFlu lockdown. Attention has turned away from the WuFlu, but my verse, I think, still resonates.

WuFlu Blues
by D.R. Heaps

I like me the way that I am.

I like bacon more than ham.

I like the Steelers of the NFL.

Belichick and his Patriots can go to hell.

I like good bourbon and I like beer.

I like pizza and the flank of a steer.

I like writing about and videoing cars.

I agree: Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars

All that seemed to matter mere weeks ago.

That was before the pandemic. WuFlu, you know.

What transpired in a short amount of time

Brought the world to a halt; it stopped on a dime

Doc Fauci took over; man, what a tool.

Shutter every business. Close every school.

Close the parks and the beaches, too.

Wear a mask or shame on you.

Like obedient little serfs we hunkered down.

Stayed in our homes, stayed out of town.

We did it in the name of flattening the curve.

Those medical resources must be conserved.

Back at home, we lounged about.

We didn't work, we didn't go out.

Frustrated and furloughed from my biggest gig

I was gaining weight, fat as a pig.

Sitting on my ass is never okay.

If only there was an alternative for spending the day.

A voice began screaming inside my head.

Do a project, get busy, don't wait, it said.

For years, renovating the kitchen lurked in the back of my mind.

But, where to get the money, and where to find the time.

Money can be borrowed, the devil on my shoulder cried.

And you've got time spilling from your ass, the angel replied.

Determination and a shed full of power tools are all you need.

When it comes to home improvement, I can do it, that's my creed.

Ripping out cabinets, tearing things up.

Demoing a kitchen doesn't suck

The fridge, the oven, it all must go.

Are new appliances expensive? I don't know.

Out with the old, in with the new.

Something borrowed, something blue.

Don't hesitate. Don't stop to think.

Step on the gas. Wait, take a drink.

A sip of bourbon every day.

That's the spirit. Was that a cliché?

I spent money as if I was making it.

Dumping cash by the bucket down the kitchen pit.

What I didn't know how to do, I faked.

Not spending a nickel on labor at stake.

This house is old, built on a wing and a prayer.

How old, you ask. Apparently older than the level and square.

With nothing level and nothing plumb,

Renovating is a fool's errand. Man, I'm dumb.

Relocating the sink was a dicey chore.

Plumbing is tough, there were leaks galore.

Flooring down, cabinets set, appliances in, it's nearly done.

Not so fast, cowboy. There's more to do and more to come.

More than the cabinets, appliances or floor,

The countertop nearly broke the store.

Then there's the backsplash remaining to do.

I think maybe I bit off more than I can chew.

Renovating was a job needing done.

Now, the kitchen war is nearly won.

Yes, I spent too much money with no income in sight,

But, hey, it's only money, right? Holy Christmas, I hope that's right.